The  Separation Circle  10 point Guide to Chatting on IRC

The IRC (internet relay chat) programme can be downloaded free from www.mirc.com

1)   connect to IRC using the DALNet network and join a channel
(e.g. #brit) and you will be able to chat with people online by typing things 

2) choose your nickname carefully - a warm welcoming nickname such as
"come_and_get_it_boys" will work for most women, while men who wish to impress
women should choose something smart, cool yet casual such as "BingBongBangBoo"

3) channel operators are known as "wan"s and they have a definite hierarchy,
a bit like a royal family. Impress them with your knowledge of this when you
first join a channel by asking "which of you ops is wan-king now?"

4) unfortunately there are many perverts on IRC who will greet you with a shocking
request for anal sexual licking - this is such a common request that it is usually abbreviated
to "a.s.l. please". The most effective response to such a request is to brusquely suggest
that the offender should go and lick their own bottom

5) another way to impress channel operators
is to show how much you admire them by
telling them you want to be like them
Joining as many channels as possible and
saying repeatedly "make me an op like you"
will make you very popular very quickly.

6) If other channel members think they
may never see you again, they may
realise how much they like you.
A good strategy therefore is to tell
everyone that you're leaving forever.
See their joy every time you return!

7) sadly IRC has many technical shortcomings. If you type something on a channel once,
it will only go to one other person on the
channel. If there are, say, 27 people on
a channel, compensate for this shortcoming
by ensuring that you type everything
27 times. Your consideration for other
channel users will be much appreciated.

8) if all your other attempts to make
friends fail, changing your nickname to
xETTa will signal to everyone else that you
are a friendly, kind and loving person and
you will receive much loving attention
(particularly from the Italian medical
profession, for some unknown reason)

9) if you are tired of having to wait for your computer to close all programmes
and shut everything down when it's time to go to bed,
you can speed things up by running over it with a steamroller

10) Never attempt to use the phrase "The Separation Circle told me to do it" to justify your actions on a channel - or in a court of law.